South Beach, it’s neon & pastel heyday of the mid to late 90’s. Day and night (though mostly night) the beautiful people and less genetically blessed tourists filled three main streets, Ocean Drive, Collins Avenue, & Washington Avenue. My apartment building was sandwiched in the middle of the three on Collins. Leggy models pranced down the sidewalk in their Louboutins while gleaming Ferraries idled like kittens with a mean streak as they waited for the light to turn green. Who *wouldn’t* want a balcony to gaze on the parade of beauty and lights down below?
You do NOT want a balcony to gaze on the parade of beauty and lights down below. Well, unless it is MUCH higher than the third floor, my building’s top floor. With only three balcony apartments offered out of a total of 30 units scoring one was the brass ring on the accommodations carousel. Unfortunately, my enthusiasm was fleeting as I quickly developed a deep and appreciative understanding for the saying, “Be careful what you wish for”.
South Beach is primarily known for three things. We’ll call it the “Triple B Equation”.
Okay, technically item #3 should be “Nightclubs & lounges” but “Double B + N & L Equation” doesn’t have much literary melody to it. Keep in mind that, also regarding item #3, the party was in full swing most nights of the week and saw itself through until the sunrise, sometimes longer. Of course, large numbers of people means an equally large amount of traffic. They had to get there somehow and many of them opted to “cruise the strip” for some of the best people watching available anywhere. Surely it was the latter automobile occupants whom Nicki Minaj is singing about because they were “All about that bass, ‘bout that bass. No treble!”. No treble but, I’ll tell you, they had a SHIT TON of decibel that provided the soundtrack for our dishes & tchotchkes to dance along. Indoors and three stories up, my stuff on shelves would vibrate due to the take-no-prisoners volume & chorus of car stereos all through the night. No extra charge!
Ah, the peace & tranquility of beach living.