U.F.O.’s, WTF?

area51
“U.F.O.’s, and aliens, and alternate universes, oh my!”

The first time I explored “Alien Territory”, both literally as a region of the U.S. I’d not previously been to and figuratively as the area of North America best known for  U.F.O. intrigue, a’la Roswell and Area 51, my senses and “alien radar” were abuzz!  Though I’m skeptical regarding abductions I don’t rule them out completely and I’m just happy to say I can’t speak from personal experience (and I’d like to keep it that way).  End of the day, I’m a believer, and have even made the mecca to the U.F.O. museum in Roswell, New Mexico from S.E. Florida twice, a destination only reached through purposeful intent due to its remote location.

On an extended road-trip through the southwestern United States, my friend & I knew we had officially entered X-Files domain when we passed an electrical box on a busy street corner that was currently doubling as a canvas for an amateurish but passionate painting of a large alien head and U.F.O. that dominated a background of night sky.  Accompanying this imagery were the brush-stroked and thought provoking words, “Do you believe?”.  This random but clear welcome to “Alienville” demanded a brief filming & photo op that we obliged by pulling over in the bustling intersection, unashamed & unapologetic, giggling, tourists.

Many miles to go to that days destination, the sunlight slowly disappeared until it winked goodbye on the western horizon.  With its departure there was no civilization present as far as the eye could see to offer even the faintest glow to cut the pitch black, desert, darkness as we navigated our rental car onward.  Traveling the dark and barren landscape, vehicles passed us and visa-versa only at noticeably extended intervals.  Fortunately, as good friends do, we had no trouble amusing ourselves as the hours and the miles ticked by, aliens naturally being a discussed and revisited topic of conversation along the way.  Until……suddenly……

”WHAT WAS THAT?”, I yelled out in alarm and excitement, leaning over her to get a better look out her driver’s side window.  “What?  WHAT?”, she loudly responded, uncertain whether to be alarmed or intrigued.

Me:  (Stammering and exclaiming) “I SWEAR, I just saw a light going across the sky and it just DISAPPEARED!”

Her (again):  “Where?  WHERE?”

Me:  “It was right out your window……”

(nervous giggles while she drove and I continued gazing intently)

Me:  “THERE IT IS AGAIN but IN A DIFFERENT PART OF THE SKY!”

Her:  “Where?  WHERE?  Oh my god! Where?”  (obviously working with limited dialogue under the circumstances)

Me:  “I swear, I’m not kidding you! I just saw it again but in a different part of the sky!”

No other cars in sight, it was just us, the desert, and the aliens.

I rapidly began fumbling in the darkness of our car for the video camera we had brought along to film our journey for future Memory Lane viewing.  This *obviously* deserved inclusion as part of our vacation experience and, more importantly, documentation for official, scientific review!  Despite my amateur filming skills and our mutually distracting squeals of excitement, disbelief, and shock, I managed to get the video camera out and the lens into focus.  I directed the camera towards, and recorded, out the front of the windshield into the void of the empty sky as we waited for our next Visitor From Beyond to make their presence known….and we were not disappointed!  This time BOTH of us saw it – “Oh my god!  Oh my god!  Oh my god!”

Her:  “I saw it!  I saw it!  Ohmygod!”

Me:  “I told you!  Ohmygod!  Pull over!  PULL OVER!”

(Insert ear piercing, extended, exclamations, merged together in a non-sensical, audio train-wreck.)

Then…..silence.

Too entranced to pull over, to do anything other than gaze with hypnotized wonder into the ebony infinity above, we saw yet another, this time clearly a different light that was much closer though which disappeared just as quickly as its companions.  Then, just a moment later, it played its role in this extraterrestrial game of “Simon Says” as it too reappeared.  A little bit longer and….AGAIN!  Same thing, different place in vast sky.  They…were…EVERYWHERE!  We were absolutely beside ourselves and it truly was one of the most exciting and intriguing moments of my life until…….

Her:  “Oh my god.  They’re PLANES!”

Me:  “Noooooo.”

Her:  “Yes!  Look!  You can barely see them because it’s so dark but there are clouds in the sky!  Every time we see a light it’s a plane and when it disappears it is going behind a cloud and then comes out the other side!”

Me:  (Gazing intently, the car loud with silence)

****There it is AGAIN!****

…..and now I see the damn cloud around it’s lights.

(Insert sound of deflating balloon *here*)

And so the road trip, us, and life moved on with one new item, a helluva’ entertaining vacation video segment, and one remaining item:

I still believe!

mork

Lived to Tell, Part 1 (The Teepee Turnaway)

route66Upon our winged arrival into Albuquerque, our wild west adventure was off to a winning start as we excitedly chattered in our modest but comfortable rental car bound for Santa Fe.  One problem.  Just over an hour into our drive we took notice of a mileage sign indicating our rapidly approaching proximity to the Arizona border.  For those unfamiliar with the geography of the southwest U.S. let it be known that Santa Fe is in the *opposite* direction from Albuquerque.  As I said, we were off to a winning start.

After a couple of nights in Santa Fe we headed towards the Arizona border, this time intentionally.  The agenda for the day was to drive through the Petrified Forest & Painted Desert and then stay the night at one of only two , old school, Route 66 heydey era, concrete teepee hotels.  Our stay at the Wigwam Hotel was at the top of my bucket list on this road trip.  Little did I know that the list that night would include no teepee but definitely included a bucket (if you count scraping the bottom of an accommodations one).  After a long and full day of driving and adventure we pulled up to the entrance of my coveted, eagerly anticipated, cheesy accommodation to discover it was CLOSED FOR THE NIGHT!

Oh….it hurts!
It HURTS!

This was a “one night only” engagement with no wiggle room for itinerary adjustment.  Simply put, we were S.O.L. – the Wigwam was WigWRONG.  No teepee fo’ you.

Now, as they say, we find ourselves in a quandary.  Holbrook, Arizona, where this gem was located, is not exactly a hotbed of activity nor accommodation options and the desert sun was rapidly bidding us adieu.  Cell phones were still a thing of the future so we were left to seek out alternate, after dark accommodations on a wing & a prayer.  Let it be known that budget was a MAJOR factor on this youngblood adventure though with the appropriately corresponding, lowbrow needs & expectations that youth provides.  We began navigating the area to pinpoint a hotel that looked friendly to our limited funds and, boy, did we find it!  Have you ever paid $15 for a HOTEL ROOM?  Well, WE HAVE but I can’t say I recommend it.  Let me also remind you the title of this blog is “Lived to Tell”.

We came across a “no tell motel” in this deserted desert dwelling and went in to inquire about price and availability.  As we stood at the front desk a highly “unusual” looking gentleman shuffled out from the office to greet us.  Now, I am not trying to be cruel or unkind, only factual.  He literally had the appearance of a lab creation, akin to Frankenstein’s monster (though not as handsome).  Despite our initial intimidation due to his shock of spastic, black hair, half-lidded bug eyes, and enormous height & girth, he exuded helpfulness as he listened to our plight, quickly morphing into a presence more akin to Andre the Giant, a la Princess Bride.  Escalating even higher on the endearment scale, not only did he confirm he had a room available but that we could have it for the low, low price of FIFTEEN BUCKS if we would just give him a half hour to fix the shower.  With hungry bellies and a restaurant across the street to fill the time we were SOLD!

After we’d had our fill of mediocre food we returned and got our room key.  While thrilled to have secured a place for the night that was to be the only “security” had as we discovered that the parking lot directly outside of our room had morphed into a party for vagrants.  Justifiably feeling like lambs to the slaughter, we quickly grabbed our belongings out of the car and scurried inside our room and…….

Oh myyyyyyyyyyy.

In case you are wondering, here is what a $15 a night hotel room provides:

1.  Said, drunken vagrants partying in the immediate parking lot.
2.  A t.v. stand on the wall with no t.v.
3.  A plant hanger hook on the ceiling with no plant but there was an actual, lone, clothes hanger dangling from it.  Viva la ambiance!
4.  A shower (and shower curtain) that were coated with enough black mold to consider ourselves fortunate to get out sans a previously undiscovered virus.
5.  Visible stains on the comforters (we never bothered to look at the sheets – TMI).
6.  BONUS!  A bug crawling across the bed.  Happy trails, roomie!

Suffice it say that both safety and sanitation were of obvious concern.  We quickly addressed the first issue by collectively pushing the large, long, wooden dresser to the front of the door to serve as a barricade.  We weren’t going down without a fight!  The sanitation issue was addressed to the best of our ability by cocooning ourselves in sleeping bags that we’d brought along for planned camping portions of our trip though we obviously had not envisioned using them in a hotel room.  That said, we were grateful to have them as there was likely a larger threat of intrusive critters in that hotel room than at a campground.  Champagne wishes & caviar dreams!

As we committed to our cause our nervous laughter eventually evolved into slumber until we awoke at the rooster hour with gratitude for living to see another sunrise firmly in check.  As we made our rapid exodus, the hotel disappearing in our rearview mirror, I came up with this spontaneous poem (best said rapidly for emphasis):

“Hanger on the ceiling,
bug on the bed.
If we don’t block the door
we’ll all be dead!”

We came.
We saw.
We LIVED TO TELL.

Get your kicks on Route 66!